Podcast #99
How to Get Out of Survival Mode at Work When You Can’t Quit Your Toxic Job Yet
Sunday night. Your phone pings.
It’s your boss.
You know you shouldn’t look. But it’s too late. Your stomach already dropped to the floor.
You take a shower to wash it off. You go for a walk. Doesn’t matter. Your head is back at work. What do they want? What did they write? Or worse, you read it, and now there’s a pile of tasks in your head you don’t want to do on the weekend, and you’re scared of not doing them.
If that’s you, here’s the truth: you’re in survival mode. And most of us can’t quit tomorrow. But being stuck in a toxic job does not mean you sacrifice every weekend to it.
Here’s what helped me, and what I teach as a career and spiritual life coach.
What survival mode at work really is
Survival mode means your whole system doesn’t feel safe. Usually not in a physical way, thank god. But it feels like it.
And it makes sense. When you’re set up to fail, whatever you do or don’t do gets used against you. So your system stays on alert. All the time. Even on the weekend.
## Why working harder won’t get you out
As a high performer, your instincts say:
– “If I just hadn’t made that mistake…”
– “If I just work harder…”
– “If I just finish this to-do list, I’ll feel good again.”
That used to work. Before this boss, you finished your list and felt proud.
But when you’re set up to fail, the list never ends. That’s the whole strategy. You cannot perfect your way into safety.
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Focus on your controllables
This one is hard to hear, especially for justice seekers: you cannot control your boss. You can’t change another person’s behavior or personality.
What you can control: your boundaries, your preparation, your support system and your routines. That’s where your power is.
I split them into two parts. The outer game: what you do around you. And the inner game: what you do inside you. Every move has benefits and risks. Use your discernment, test what feels right in your situation.
The outer game: 3 moves
1. Put a fence around them
Sit down once and ask yourself: what are my non-negotiables? What do I absolutely need to recharge?
You don’t know yet how long you’ll still be there. So you need batteries to last until the next opportunity opens up.
For many people, that’s at least part of the weekend. Say, Saturday morning to Sunday afternoon, fully offline. If that’s you:
– Set up your phone so nothing slips through. Notifications off, work apps blocked.
– Ask your partner or a friend to hold you to it when you get weak and want to “just check.”
– Protect your own boundary like it’s a meeting with your CEO.
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2. Prepare your sentences
Preparation is the best way to create safety in what you can control. You’re still a smart high performer underneath the survival mode.
– Read books like *How to Win Friends and Influence People*.
– Use AI to prepare your answers for the conversations you dread.
– Have a few sentences ready for when they catch you off guard.
One I love, for when your boss keeps dodging the answer you need:
“Thank you for that information. I’m still wondering about [X].”
They say something else. You say: “Thank you for that additional information. Now about [X], how do we do it?”
Calm, respectful, neutral. You’re not putting them in a corner. You just keep coming back. Especially with other people in the room, the answer usually comes.
And if you need a moment to breathe? Excuse yourself for a bathroom break. Nobody gets to say no to that.
3. Protect yourself: build your team
Pro athletes have a whole team behind them so they can show up at their best. You’re paid to do your job, and it’s probably your one source of income. Don’t you deserve a team too?
– A labor attorney, as soon as you think you might need one. They can advise you on your options, including what to document.
– A good medical provider on your side.
– A coach, if you want support through the process.
Maybe you never need them. But imagine what it does for you to know you’re not alone in this.
Write things down after the hard moments: the date, the meeting, who was there, what was said. Check with your attorney what’s okay to note, and never put confidential company or client data in it.
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The inner game: 3 moves
1. Before the big meeting
Have a plan for what you’ll say, and a protocol for how you walk in.
– Go to the bathroom just before. Take a few breaths: in, then long out. The long exhale matters.
– If it resonates with you, imagine bright white light coming in from the top of your head. Ask for support from whatever you believe in, God, the universe, your spirit guides: “Please help me be my calmest, best self in this conversation.”
You’re not alone in that room. Even if it feels like it.
2. After work: stop bringing them home
Routines help when you’re in survival mode.
– Put your bag and laptop where you can’t see them.
– Change your clothes. Become the relaxed at-home version of you.
– Add a little clearing ritual if you like. I love palo santo or sage (used safely).
Through repetition, home starts to feel like home again, not like the office.
3. Your morning 10 + 10
I know. It’s counterintuitive. You’re exhausted and the last thing you want is to get up earlier.
But in my hardest chapter, I did two things every single morning: 10 minutes of yoga and 10 minutes of meditation. Sometimes that meant getting up at 5:30 before my commute.
It helped me keep a clear head. And a clear head makes it easier to see that yes, this chapter sucks, and also that there’s something in it for you to learn.
How you really win this game
You don’t win when the boss gets fired. They’ll usually just start the same thing somewhere else.
You win when you come out whole, calm and confident. When you understand the pattern. When you realize that outworking a problem that was put on you on purpose was never the solution.
That’s your catalyst moment, not the end.
## Need help right now?
If you’re in a really hard moment at work, grab my free SOS Toolkit .
I am rooting for you,
Fela
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Frequently Asked Questions
What does survival mode at work feel like?
Always on alert. You can’t switch off, even on weekends. You replay meetings, check email “just in case” and feel your stomach drop when your boss’s name shows up.
Can I get out of survival mode without quitting?
You can’t control your boss, but you can control your boundaries, preparation, support team and routines. Those give you room to breathe while you plan your next move.
Should I talk to a lawyer about my toxic boss?
If you think you might need one, talk to a labor attorney early. They can tell you your options and what to document. This post is coaching, not legal advice.
Disclaimer: This article and the linked podcast episode are for educational and informational purposes only and reflect general career coaching perspectives. Fela Rosa is a certified coach, not a licensed therapist, doctor, lawyer or financial advisor. Nothing here is legal, HR, medical, financial or mental health advice. If you’re going through a hard time with your mental or physical health, please reach out to a licensed healthcare professional. If you believe you’re experiencing discrimination, harassment, retaliation or other unlawful conduct, seek advice from a qualified professional. Read our full Disclaimer.
Running on empty?
You can’t out-strategize a toxic boss on an empty tank. Protect your energy first. Then play the game.
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About Corporate Warriors
Corporate Warriors helps high performers and leaders build career success without selling their soul.
Founded by Fela Rosa, a former tech high performer turned conscious career coach, the company guides professionals to break free from toxic workplaces, rebuild confidence, and create careers rooted in self-trust and alignment.
Follow @Corporate_Warriors on Instagram or visit corporatewarriors.io for more free tools, courses, and coaching resources.
Where are you right now?
Still stuck with a toxic boss?
Reclaim your power, even if you can’t quit (yet).
Already out of the toxic job?
You thought you’d finally be free. But you can’t stop thinking about it, and you feel like a broken version of yourself.